Yes, life at New Mexico State University, it is like whoopie mother fucking doo, I am sure. Totally! here I sit trying to get my brain motivatd to do what I returned to college to do; complete my bloody homework and eventually get my associate of arts degree......or TRANSFER AGAIN? Yeah, I am not finding NMSU to be A-fucking wonderful; nor this pile of dusty ass shit boomtown rapidily filling with yupster "breeders" and Mejicanos coming from over the border hoping to find a " new life" here in wonderful America; the asshole of the industrialized world as far as I see things. I cannot badmouth them, however, as I just met an awesome woman from Ciudad Juarez who is an international student here at State; another in my class comes from Chihuahua, Chihuahua en Mexico' [ or Mejico, two spellings in Spanish-the English had difficulty pronouncing the J as an " H" as in Tejas; and so renamed it TEXAS! A state that, with the exception of Austin and certain areas of Dallas and Houston, is essentially the gun-adoring redneck Repugnant Party's " Darling of the USA"].
Not that Southern New Mexico is so wonderful, mind you. I was thinking about what I'd be giving up by going back to the more-crowded , but far prettier unless you see 90% treeless mountains as "pretty", Eastern States such as New York, Vermont, and/or Connecticut. The cost of living is far more expensive there, however, on my crappy little SSDI + SSI income combined; I cannot even afford to live here without giving up the car and depending upon a sorry ass public bus system that runs from 7am to 7 pm only on Monday through Friday. Saturday they stop running at 6 pm! Even the links here on the NMSU campus do not run after 6pm; this whole university, and especially Dona Ana Community College Branch where I take my courses, is essentially a bloody fucking joke. Like Naugatuck Valley community college back in Connecticut , its like Las Cruces High school with the bulldogs; this with all the younger students in my classes-many of whom come from Mexican Descent and hold onto their parents, and that asshole Catholic Church's , morals and prejudices.
Not that all Mexicans as a whole are that way; from what i have seen, it seems as if the ones born here, for the most part, are far more ignorant and LGBT-intolerant than those coming to school from the actual country of MEXICO! I give many of them credit for working like a god damn slave at the many shit jobs in this piece of commercialized shit boom town's many retail big boxes and fast food joints. Places like Walmart and McDogshite that pay shit wages and expect people to work like, well, slaves on the old plantation. Add to that coming to school full-time which many of them do and I give them credit. Coming from the poverty I've seen both here in Dona Ana county, New Mexico, and in Juarez itself all the more, they still believe in the American Dream of the Rockefellers and Kochs; one that states if one is willing to work hard and play by the rules, there is no limit upon what one can achieve in the USA. I watched something on PBS Bill Moyers show last night about how, in Italia [ Italy], those who have been laid off now have a second choice to accepting just any job that is offered them. They can receive their unemployment for three long years if they group with other like minded people who are unemployed and, together, start their own business in which everybody is the Chief Executive Officer. This rather than the All-American way of working for some billionaire like John Walton-Walmart CEO who pays the workers Jill Shit per hour and lives like the pickled pig in the golden shithouse!
anyway, back to college, my body feels like the worn-out 50 year old that I am supposed to be; my brain, however, feels like it never caught up to my chronological age. Despite having made a few friends, more like acquaintences, here at NMSU [ one at the branch] ; I feel detached and alone; much like I have felt throughout my fucked up, seemingly neverending life both as " It" and as Cheryl. However, I now realize that is because I just do not feel that eagerness to belong to the groups I frequent. My classes are interesting, but I feel like it is constantly hard for me to keep up with them. For one thing, I lack motivation; in another way I just put things off until they build up and need be done.
In our groups such as Stonewall queer-Straight Alliance , in order to be an officer of any kind, one must agree to complete two community service assignments. The fucking university administration made this rule, NOT us students! Which leads me to believe, more and more, that Alan of Aggie solidarity-our campus socialist organization and the closest we have at NMSU-was totally correct when he stated that the universities are being operated by local corporate powerhouses who sit on the college's board of decisionmakers; the STUDENTS HAVE NO REAL SAY IN ANY OF THE ADMIN'S. DECISIONS AFFECTING THEIR EDUCATION AND COLLEGE LIFE. In this fucking school, this would be the Christo-Fascist Cowboy old WHITE men who run New Mexico State University; a Land-Grant University which evolved out of an agricultural past in the foreboding, mostly waterless, desert of Southern NM best known for irrigated farmland growing pecans and cotton; and yes, factory farms and ranches raising the beef cattle used by every restaurant from Cattleman's Steak House to McDogshite and Blake's Homophobia-burger.
The whole " community service requirment" comes from these God damn churches here in Dona Ana County, especially those fucking locusts called Baptists, a cancer upon this country who are desperately in need of being " exterminated" like the plague of locusts swarming down upon that Kansas Wheat field! They dominate our university with their fucking PHAUSI Student Challenge, a christian fraternity designed to teach college students how to become either Christian Missionaries spreading their poison, along with doing good works, to third world countries such as Mexico and Guatemala; or to become Christian Businesspeople.
So what am I saying? Well that yes, NMSU is basically still the cow-tipping university it began as in 1883, I believe. We still are dominated by our cowshit for brains redneck rancher offspring and yes, the parasites known as Christian-Republicans. Our Campus Democrats organization is rather small when compared to the Campus Repubicans and their mascot, Humphrey the Elephant. Is it just being a non-traditional student? Or is it more like being a slacker who never really had, and still lacks, the goals to succeed in college; along with the desire to work for a corporation after graduation. I claimed that I wanted to do creative writing, but why have I not been keeping up with uploading that series of journals?
I said that I wanted to move on, if possible, to go to a university that is far more creative arts-oriented than NMSU is. This is more the Agricultural Sciences and Engineering school with a following of third: Sciences and social sciences and fourth: business majors. Our college of English and music is tiny by comparision to the other aforementioned schools above. That should tell me what I want to know about myself. We have our few hipsters and we have plenty of skaters; but is this really the school for liberal leftists who do not give a flying fuck for conventional careers or for the god damn Repugnant Party's Politics and for the teachings of "Jesus Christ".
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
Campus life at 50 going on somewhere between 18 and 23
In another week will be Spring Break , that all too popular week or so off from college after Midterms. I had only one midterm myself, this in women's studies 201 G , one of the two courses I am taking this semester at the New Mexico State University Branch, Dona Ana. Yeah 50 going on 18-23, good one, as this fucking week on Friday when I returned from the New Mexico MVD where I got my new license plates [ but not the license as originally intended because their computers were down-all this Homeland Security Horseshit for Real ID Act. ] ; my new Community Assistant [ same as Resident Assistant but called " CA"] here at NMSU Cervantes Apts. walked over to warn me that somebody complained I was " Making too much noise". This not being the first time, however, as when I first moved in the same bullshit. I couldn't remember her name, but upon saying " I forgot your name but I know you from somewhere?" , she said " Kristen, From Stonewall, but that's not why I'm here". In her usual bad attitude toward me, something that did not surprise me coming from her-a super serious student if there were any, she said " We had a noise complaint about you" this as she rolled her fucking eyes acting like " Ms. Superior" to the max.
Anyway , so I said " Not again, I've been keeping my TV and radio down and double checking it after 10 PM ; I tend to stay up all night because I don't have morning classes. I probably was talking to myself, as I usually do, when doing homework. Probably the Women's studies; that or watching those damn Republican bastards on TV News!" Continuing , she chimes, in her fucking major attitude problem, discerning attitude that I know her all too well for at our weekly Stonewall Queer-Straight Alliance meetings; " It's not that. One of your neighbors called in about your cursing and stuff". To which I said " That is, like, ummm, abridging my freedom of speech and expression" Need I say that she did NOT have the nicest look upon her fucking face? Anyway, so I added " I mean what is NMSU supposed to be? a freaking university or a God Damn monastery or maybe a Baptist university like Bob Jones or Liberty? Here I'm considering applying to another, more creative-liberal arts college or university, and reading in College Prowler.com at SUNY Purchase College in New York State, they talk about the RA's breaking up loud parties. That said, I mean more exciting stuff must happen here at NMSU, right?"
Rolling her fucking eyes , she said " Well this is the family housing and some people have young children around here, but whatever, it's no big deal". " Yeah , as Joe M. said in our Stonewall Meeting last semester " It is no fucking big fucking deal at fucking all!", laughing loudly as I watched her face; she remembered that night! Continuing, I told her, " Funny but I haven't even met my bathroom share-mate yet, the woman in the adjoining student apartment who decorates our freaking bathroom with her flowers and little rabbits, mushrooms all over the toilet tank with colored vases on the sink! All I know is that she speaks fluent Espanol" Kristen then said " Maybe you should introduce yourself, then; Or maybe not?" That said , my friend stephanie said that I am probably better off not doing so, as she may be some weird or crazy person. Which leads me to believing that it may be fucking "chica" herself who has been calling to complain; as I often do talk to myself and yes , swear like the lesbian sailor's parrot! This especially when watching, or reading about, REPUGNANT POLITICIANS SUCH AS SENATOR PAUL " BOY WONDER" RYAN.
Anyway, so is life in college as the non-traditional student; one who prides herself on never having grown up and become a sell-out to society and the god damn catholic church like the rest of my cousins. One who has never had children and became one of those douche-bag, uptight about everything parents like the one who probably lodged the complaint, maybe. I think it is " Florida' Mujur" , that fucking Mexicano-Americano Chica who decorates our shared bathroom with all this girly-girl bullshit as if it were a formal table at an upscale restaurant on her date with " don Juan de Onate' or don Ponce de Leon". This as the Indigenous Woman awaiting her Catholic Rape, I mean baptism in Colonial New Mexico or Florida. My bad, I know, but something gives me the feeling it is " Chica" in the adjoining student apartment.
Anyway , so I said " Not again, I've been keeping my TV and radio down and double checking it after 10 PM ; I tend to stay up all night because I don't have morning classes. I probably was talking to myself, as I usually do, when doing homework. Probably the Women's studies; that or watching those damn Republican bastards on TV News!" Continuing , she chimes, in her fucking major attitude problem, discerning attitude that I know her all too well for at our weekly Stonewall Queer-Straight Alliance meetings; " It's not that. One of your neighbors called in about your cursing and stuff". To which I said " That is, like, ummm, abridging my freedom of speech and expression" Need I say that she did NOT have the nicest look upon her fucking face? Anyway, so I added " I mean what is NMSU supposed to be? a freaking university or a God Damn monastery or maybe a Baptist university like Bob Jones or Liberty? Here I'm considering applying to another, more creative-liberal arts college or university, and reading in College Prowler.com at SUNY Purchase College in New York State, they talk about the RA's breaking up loud parties. That said, I mean more exciting stuff must happen here at NMSU, right?"
Rolling her fucking eyes , she said " Well this is the family housing and some people have young children around here, but whatever, it's no big deal". " Yeah , as Joe M. said in our Stonewall Meeting last semester " It is no fucking big fucking deal at fucking all!", laughing loudly as I watched her face; she remembered that night! Continuing, I told her, " Funny but I haven't even met my bathroom share-mate yet, the woman in the adjoining student apartment who decorates our freaking bathroom with her flowers and little rabbits, mushrooms all over the toilet tank with colored vases on the sink! All I know is that she speaks fluent Espanol" Kristen then said " Maybe you should introduce yourself, then; Or maybe not?" That said , my friend stephanie said that I am probably better off not doing so, as she may be some weird or crazy person. Which leads me to believing that it may be fucking "chica" herself who has been calling to complain; as I often do talk to myself and yes , swear like the lesbian sailor's parrot! This especially when watching, or reading about, REPUGNANT POLITICIANS SUCH AS SENATOR PAUL " BOY WONDER" RYAN.
Anyway, so is life in college as the non-traditional student; one who prides herself on never having grown up and become a sell-out to society and the god damn catholic church like the rest of my cousins. One who has never had children and became one of those douche-bag, uptight about everything parents like the one who probably lodged the complaint, maybe. I think it is " Florida' Mujur" , that fucking Mexicano-Americano Chica who decorates our shared bathroom with all this girly-girl bullshit as if it were a formal table at an upscale restaurant on her date with " don Juan de Onate' or don Ponce de Leon". This as the Indigenous Woman awaiting her Catholic Rape, I mean baptism in Colonial New Mexico or Florida. My bad, I know, but something gives me the feeling it is " Chica" in the adjoining student apartment.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Massacre in Newtown, Connecticut:2012
And so, as many have heard, my former hometown of Newtown, Connecticut was the scene of what had to be the second worst school shooting in America. on Dec. 14, 2012 at 9:30 am, a distraught 20 year old who was a loner, much like me when I attended Newtown High between 1977 and 1980; walked into Sandy Hook elementary school on Dickinson Dr. in the Sandy Hook Section of Newtown; first shooting our a window with either an AR-15, or another semiautomatic firearm. This after first killing his mother, Nancy Lanza, at their home at 32 Yoganada St. ; about two miles away close to Bennett's Bridge Rd. near where my late brother, Joe Oropal, had once lived in the Cedarhurst Section of town. anyway, this person was a loner , much like I was when I attended Newtown High. I must admit that, as a transgender lesbian woman still living in my " former life" back then; I had entertained the thought more than once about shooting up my high school. Most of the students who I went to school with were major fucking assholes; mostly jockstraps and preppies from semi-rich families who acted like the kings and queens of the school! Thing is this; my father grew up in The Bronx Borough of New York City. HE HATED GUNS! When we first moved to Newtown, about a year or so later he quit his business and took and early retirement; selling his share of the factory he co-owned with his Jewish Partner, Mel, paying off the splanch home on 2.85 acres he bought at 25 Hall Lane; then going into the antiques business.He had an old musket, I think, that or a World War I era rifle he purchased from a gun collector in Newtown. I still remember the comments he made to my mother as to how many fucking machine guns and other semiautomatic rifles this guy owned in his Newtown Home. " I cannot understand why anyone needs a military rifle for deer hunting?" Dad said. " These God damn hillbilly gun collectors are out of their God damn minds here in Connecticut! what the hell do they think? That Russia is going to attack them or that the deer is going to shoot back?", Dad added.
Dad had a point, however, if he were like Mr. Kilebold or Mr. Harris in Littleton. CO, who knows? I may have done what dylan, Eric, or Lanza did. Gun rights activists claim that the AR-15 is the " perfect little semiautomatic rifle for shooting at targets and small " varmint" such as rabbits. However, from what I've heard, magazines are easily interchangeable and that same AR-15 Modified was what The Joker, James Holmes, used to perform his movie theater massacre in Aurora, CO last summer! I hated fucking Newtown, I mean I loved the woods and scenery and had a lot of fun there getting in trouble with the " pigs" and tearing around like a bat out of hell on both bicycle and skateboard. But I hated most of the people there.
Anyway, that was then and this is now. at age 42 with a brain and emotional state more comparable to that of a 15 year old than a 42 year old parent and homeowner, I came out of the closet and donned my first skirt; a cute little denim skirt with fringe bottom. this was in May of 2005; a year later, on May 28, 2006, I went on hormones and suddenly, the intense anger gave way to tears one day while driving in my car toward my hair stylist in Middlebury; a real Italiano Beyotch with prissy ass attitude problem named Britt. Anyway, Mom got sick soon after and her condo had to be sold; it finally sold in July of 2009, at which time I left for the west coast with no inclination of how difficult life was fixing to be for a half-passable [ at the time] transwoman living on a social security disability check with no history of rentals from any landlords. 40 days later, I arrived at Surf, CA , the $4,000 having run out and a generous, but expecting me to be able to suport myself, sister helping me out so as I could make it to Oregon; where my neice, Jamie, living in Waldport, was supposedly going to help me out. Yeah, fucking-a-right!!!!
So the next two years to follow were spent driving back and forth across the country; first I planned to settle in Southern Illinois close to Carbondale; then on toward St. louis where, for two days I stayed at Televangelist Larry Rice's New Life Ministries; getting discriminated against on the second day by this bastard named Bob- a former Marine whom Jesus himself [ were he alive still] would have spit flem directly in his face! From St. Louis it was off toward Denver, Santa Fe, NM where I stayed for 10 days before being told to move on because some fucking woman named Cynthia at the Casa familia shelter did not like the idea of a transwoman sleeping in the same room.
Next was Chico CA where I stayed for 7 weeks at the Torres Shelter, eating at the Jesus center at 1238 Park Ave. I still have a woman who read my former blog and seeing her name; threatened to sue for defamation [ like she was going to get anything out of me!] . Fuck her! Okay, at first that's what I wanted to do.
Anyway, I've been here in Las Cruces for a year and just moved into student housing; a really small efficency that has less kitchen storage space than the cottage at 2215-1/2 South Solano Dr. did ; but once the HUD Grant help expired, there was no way I could afford the place anymore. The rear bedroom had no heat in it; just the fucking gas heater in the main area, or original part of that old place built in 1959 [ BR was added in 1969] . It had a little, 1969 era piece of shit air conditioner, a fucking window unit that gobbled up $85 worth of electricity during August of 2012; the lights used about $25 max! The god damn pice of shit did not even cool the whole place; as for the heat, I needed a space heater for the rear BR just to stay halfway comfortable during this , and last winter's unusually cold weather for Las Cruces.
So here I am in a student apt. which may be smaller, but includes everything plus basic cable and internet; wi-fi and DSL connect. That was a major pain in the ass to hook up! That and I doubt they will approve of how I had to, standing upon a chair, staple the damn telephone wire allong the walls from the kitchen's phone jack; to the desk in the rear of the apt. I share a bath with a younger in age woman I have yet to meet, all I know is she speaks spanish fluently and she decorated our shared bathroom with hobbits, mushrooms, and a tin flower pot with fake daffodils placed on the fucking vanity next to the sink. Ms. Priss I am sure!
Otherwise, I am like two weeks behind in my studying; all because of Amazon.com's really " speedy" Super Saver delivery that took 16 FUCKING DAYS TO GET THOSE BOOKS TO ME! New Mexico State University, including the Dona Ana Community College Branch where I take classes; it is okay at best. At first I was so excited at the prospects of being on a big university campus with everything to do. But now it is like BLEAH at best. Some of the students are really super awesome kewl! My neighbor here in cervantes village apts. Erin, seemed really nice when I first met her. A wildlife biology major, she just seemed really nice; something that is true of many people here in Las Cruces; but not all. I am getting to dislike many Mexican-Americans, not all of them, mind you. it's just that quite a few are so fucking CONSERVATIVE AND HOMOPHOBIC! Much like the Italians living in Town Plot of Waterbury, CT and even Staten Island, NY , it's the GOD DAMN CATHOLIC CHURCH THAT'S TO BLAME FOR THIS!
As for NMSU itself? well I am thinking of other schools to apply to. recently I applied to Santa Fe University of Art and Design up in beautiful Santa Fe, New Mexico; about 284 miles north of Las Cruces, NM which is close to the Mexican Border and El Paso, TX. Would I go back east to the cold winters , I asked myself last week. the State University of New York has Potsdam, SUNY Purchase, and Oswego; all of which have that same creative writing degree program. NMSU has an English-Creative Writing Emphasis; however NMSU is much more the engineer and animal/plant sciences university than one specializing, mostly, in creative arts. I need to be surrounded by liberal, free-spirited people; not a bunch of fucking conformists preparing for the future business and science world and cowboy jackasses studying to learn how to create an " Improved cow or steer " to breed on their redneck daddy's rancheria!
http://facebook.com/Lezbelle1234
Dad had a point, however, if he were like Mr. Kilebold or Mr. Harris in Littleton. CO, who knows? I may have done what dylan, Eric, or Lanza did. Gun rights activists claim that the AR-15 is the " perfect little semiautomatic rifle for shooting at targets and small " varmint" such as rabbits. However, from what I've heard, magazines are easily interchangeable and that same AR-15 Modified was what The Joker, James Holmes, used to perform his movie theater massacre in Aurora, CO last summer! I hated fucking Newtown, I mean I loved the woods and scenery and had a lot of fun there getting in trouble with the " pigs" and tearing around like a bat out of hell on both bicycle and skateboard. But I hated most of the people there.
Anyway, that was then and this is now. at age 42 with a brain and emotional state more comparable to that of a 15 year old than a 42 year old parent and homeowner, I came out of the closet and donned my first skirt; a cute little denim skirt with fringe bottom. this was in May of 2005; a year later, on May 28, 2006, I went on hormones and suddenly, the intense anger gave way to tears one day while driving in my car toward my hair stylist in Middlebury; a real Italiano Beyotch with prissy ass attitude problem named Britt. Anyway, Mom got sick soon after and her condo had to be sold; it finally sold in July of 2009, at which time I left for the west coast with no inclination of how difficult life was fixing to be for a half-passable [ at the time] transwoman living on a social security disability check with no history of rentals from any landlords. 40 days later, I arrived at Surf, CA , the $4,000 having run out and a generous, but expecting me to be able to suport myself, sister helping me out so as I could make it to Oregon; where my neice, Jamie, living in Waldport, was supposedly going to help me out. Yeah, fucking-a-right!!!!
So the next two years to follow were spent driving back and forth across the country; first I planned to settle in Southern Illinois close to Carbondale; then on toward St. louis where, for two days I stayed at Televangelist Larry Rice's New Life Ministries; getting discriminated against on the second day by this bastard named Bob- a former Marine whom Jesus himself [ were he alive still] would have spit flem directly in his face! From St. Louis it was off toward Denver, Santa Fe, NM where I stayed for 10 days before being told to move on because some fucking woman named Cynthia at the Casa familia shelter did not like the idea of a transwoman sleeping in the same room.
Next was Chico CA where I stayed for 7 weeks at the Torres Shelter, eating at the Jesus center at 1238 Park Ave. I still have a woman who read my former blog and seeing her name; threatened to sue for defamation [ like she was going to get anything out of me!] . Fuck her! Okay, at first that's what I wanted to do.
Anyway, I've been here in Las Cruces for a year and just moved into student housing; a really small efficency that has less kitchen storage space than the cottage at 2215-1/2 South Solano Dr. did ; but once the HUD Grant help expired, there was no way I could afford the place anymore. The rear bedroom had no heat in it; just the fucking gas heater in the main area, or original part of that old place built in 1959 [ BR was added in 1969] . It had a little, 1969 era piece of shit air conditioner, a fucking window unit that gobbled up $85 worth of electricity during August of 2012; the lights used about $25 max! The god damn pice of shit did not even cool the whole place; as for the heat, I needed a space heater for the rear BR just to stay halfway comfortable during this , and last winter's unusually cold weather for Las Cruces.
So here I am in a student apt. which may be smaller, but includes everything plus basic cable and internet; wi-fi and DSL connect. That was a major pain in the ass to hook up! That and I doubt they will approve of how I had to, standing upon a chair, staple the damn telephone wire allong the walls from the kitchen's phone jack; to the desk in the rear of the apt. I share a bath with a younger in age woman I have yet to meet, all I know is she speaks spanish fluently and she decorated our shared bathroom with hobbits, mushrooms, and a tin flower pot with fake daffodils placed on the fucking vanity next to the sink. Ms. Priss I am sure!
Otherwise, I am like two weeks behind in my studying; all because of Amazon.com's really " speedy" Super Saver delivery that took 16 FUCKING DAYS TO GET THOSE BOOKS TO ME! New Mexico State University, including the Dona Ana Community College Branch where I take classes; it is okay at best. At first I was so excited at the prospects of being on a big university campus with everything to do. But now it is like BLEAH at best. Some of the students are really super awesome kewl! My neighbor here in cervantes village apts. Erin, seemed really nice when I first met her. A wildlife biology major, she just seemed really nice; something that is true of many people here in Las Cruces; but not all. I am getting to dislike many Mexican-Americans, not all of them, mind you. it's just that quite a few are so fucking CONSERVATIVE AND HOMOPHOBIC! Much like the Italians living in Town Plot of Waterbury, CT and even Staten Island, NY , it's the GOD DAMN CATHOLIC CHURCH THAT'S TO BLAME FOR THIS!
As for NMSU itself? well I am thinking of other schools to apply to. recently I applied to Santa Fe University of Art and Design up in beautiful Santa Fe, New Mexico; about 284 miles north of Las Cruces, NM which is close to the Mexican Border and El Paso, TX. Would I go back east to the cold winters , I asked myself last week. the State University of New York has Potsdam, SUNY Purchase, and Oswego; all of which have that same creative writing degree program. NMSU has an English-Creative Writing Emphasis; however NMSU is much more the engineer and animal/plant sciences university than one specializing, mostly, in creative arts. I need to be surrounded by liberal, free-spirited people; not a bunch of fucking conformists preparing for the future business and science world and cowboy jackasses studying to learn how to create an " Improved cow or steer " to breed on their redneck daddy's rancheria!
http://facebook.com/Lezbelle1234
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