Well I was a slick midwestern gal
On a long hard road into southern cal
Didn't find any crime fillin' up all my time
I had the devil in my bones and an angel on my mind
and I drank up all the movies and I searched for happy endings
I turned love inside out till I was perfectly pretending
still I believed it could be true
that when you find the one
There's no question in the silence
All is said and done when you find the one
when you find the one
Yeah you could say that I was crazy I was that kinda girl
I had to open up a lot of oysters before I found myself a pearl
I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my grass was green enough
had to be face down in the gutter to see what is and isn't love
Then I woke from all the dreaming to your taste and to your laughter
I cried till I was dry and now live my ever after
I believe I always knew
When you find the one
There's no question in the silence
All is said and done when you find the one
When you find the one
And when you make the choice to believe in your existence
with hello you will know when you find the one
I believe it could be true
yes I believe I always knew
and I believe it could be true
and believe I always knew
when you find the one
There's no question in the silence
All is said and done when you find the one
And when you make the choice to believe in your existence
with hello you will know when you find the one
with hello you will know
On a long hard road into southern cal
Didn't find any crime fillin' up all my time
I had the devil in my bones and an angel on my mind
and I drank up all the movies and I searched for happy endings
I turned love inside out till I was perfectly pretending
still I believed it could be true
that when you find the one
There's no question in the silence
All is said and done when you find the one
when you find the one
Yeah you could say that I was crazy I was that kinda girl
I had to open up a lot of oysters before I found myself a pearl
I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my grass was green enough
had to be face down in the gutter to see what is and isn't love
Then I woke from all the dreaming to your taste and to your laughter
I cried till I was dry and now live my ever after
I believe I always knew
When you find the one
There's no question in the silence
All is said and done when you find the one
When you find the one
And when you make the choice to believe in your existence
with hello you will know when you find the one
I believe it could be true
yes I believe I always knew
and I believe it could be true
and believe I always knew
when you find the one
There's no question in the silence
All is said and done when you find the one
And when you make the choice to believe in your existence
with hello you will know when you find the one
with hello you will know
and so , this past Monday I was thinking of this song. While watching two movies about gay relationships our campus LGBT support group, Stonewall QSA, along with the New Mexico State University Sexual and Gender Diversity Resource Center featured in Milton Hall-our campus communications college; I was thinking about possibilities. The first movie, a short, was one that featured an older lesbian whose life partner had succumbed to sickness and died in the hospital. She was not allowed to see her spouse because, well, she was not legally married to her. The hospital's nurses, who were somewhat homophobic to say the least, would NOT tell her anything! Finally. after she spent a day and night sleeping in that hospital's waiting room; one of the morning nurses she asked the very next day sadly informed her, " I'm sorry, but she passed away yesterday at 3:00 pm. Are you one of the family?" to which she told that nurse she was a close friend. The nurse requested that she contact her friend's family; meanwhile refusing to allow her to view the body which was, by now, downstairs in the hospital's morgue. It was extremely sad, and to make matters worse, the family treated her like a total stranger, the uncle soon to sell the house she and her partner shared for many years.
The next movie, one titled IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK was about a group of young lesbians, all of whom attended the same college and lived just off the campus. They were asked to leave the feminist group after the administration objected to lesbians having a say on their campus; this back in 1972, mind you. One of the women met a " dyke" , or butch lesbian, at a lesbian bar filled with tough women; most of whom were either bikers or cowbois. Her friends did not approve of her new date when she showed up on a Harley Davidson; wearing " men's clothing". Her feminist friends did not approve, as they all " hated men" and felt that her bringing this woman into their shared rental house was a violation of their " feminist principles".
Nevertheless, she angered her new girlfriend, then made it up to her one night when, after driving over to her place; she first apologized, then they kissed right there with the black man next door watching them! They ended up making love so passionately that night; yet her friends still rejected this woman. In the long run, she came to accept the fact that yes, there was nothing at all wrong with a woman who chooses to dress like the traditional man would! That love is on the inside; not on the outside.
The second movie, titled If these Walls Could Talk II, starred Ellen DeGeneres as the more boi-like partner; the movie first aired in 1992 and featured a young Ellen. They decided that they were going to conceive a child between them. High and low, they searched for the perfect sperm donor with the best genes. Deciding upon a sperm bank, they finally decide upon an online sperm bank. To make a long story short, Ellen-the butch partner inserted the IVF device inside her partner's vagina and about a month later; she became pregnant! More about the movie below.
This three-part drama, produced for HBO, examines the changing tides of the lives of lesbians in America, both politically and personally, as we eavesdrop on three stories taking place in the same house over a span of five decades. In 1961, the house is home to Edith (Vanessa Redgrave) and Abby (Marian Seldes), an elderly lesbian couple whose lifestyle is not accepted or acknowledged by their families. When Abby suffers a serious stroke and is on the verge of death, her family rallies to her side, but not understanding the nature of her relationship with Edith, she is not included as her loved ones say their final good-byes. After Abby's death, her nephew (Paul Giamatti) and his wife (Elizabeth Perkins) arrive from out of state with plans to sell the house, without consulting Edith. In 1972, the house is now home to four college students, Michelle (Amy Carlson), Linda (Michelle Williams), Karen (Nia Long), and Jeanne (Natasha Lyonne), all of whom are actively involved in the women's movement and also happen to be lesbians. The four find themselves at odds with the campus women's group when they try to promote an all-women's dance, while the other members of the group feel that feminism, not lesbianism, should be the focus of the group. Similarly, Linda faces hostility from her friends when she becomes involved with Amy (Chloe Sevigny), a very butch townie; Linda's friends see Amy's masculine attire and attitude as a form of self-loathing against being a woman, and while Linda cares deeply for Amy, she's not always comfortable with her and isn't sure that she wants to be public with their relationship. In 2000, Fran (Sharon Stone) and Kal (Ellen DeGeneres), a happy and firmly committed couple, are sharing the house, and after much discussion, they decide that they want to take their relationship to the next level and have a baby. However, deciding that they want a child and dealing with the practicalities of getting pregnant are two different things; Fran and Kal first debate about going to a sperm bank as opposed to asking one of their male friends to help out, and later, either going to a doctor to perform the procedure or trying it at home. DeGeneres' significant other, Anne Heche, wrote and directed the final segment; the 1972 story was directed by Martha Coolidge, and the 1961 episode was directed by Jane Anderson. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi
R, 1 hr. 45 min.
Drama, Television, Gay & Lesbian
Alex Sichel, Sylvia Sichel, Anne Heche, Jane Anderson
Throughout all three movies, I fucking cried so hard! I mean, right there in the theatre. I REALLY FUCKING CRIED MY MOTHER FUCKING EYES OUT. This gnawing feeling deep inside me was making me pine, and pine, and pine, for the feelings that Fran and Kal shared! Perhaps the reason for this was yeah, after finally placing an awesome, knuckles-down, honest to the Goddess personal ad on Match.com; within one week, I met two women with whom a connection seemed evident. The first one, her name Nancy, is 40 years old and from Texas. The second, a businesswoman from Northern Indiana is 46 and , a really sharp, seemingly smart woman. Nancy, who just moved from Pensacola, FL to cedar Hill, TX, she seemed to be moving things along rather quickly; leading me to get a little crazy due to constant feelings of worthlessness and stress associated with my lack of motivation to catch up in my two classes. This after a late start due to Amazon's extra-slow " Super saver delivery" that took 16 FUCKING DAYS TO GET MY BOOKS TO MY PO BOX!
Anyway, Nancy seemed to think that she and I were perfect soul mates, or at least had the potential to become that given some time and nurturing. However, there were some tense moments between her and I. One of those being how, after I stayed up all fucking night last Saturday, she insisted that we " continue our talks" via IM; at which time she demanded to know " What do you do for work besides going to college?" What the fuck? How was I to answer this when I'm on an SSDI/SSI disability income and have not worked in fucking 15 god damn years? So I emailed her, telling her the truth, adding that I expected her to forget about me as a potential partner.
We already had one red flag, this from MY SIDE when she mentioned that she " Trusts in the Lord, Jesus Christ and prays every morning". I DO NOT BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST! I am wise enough to understand that Jesus was a fucking Rabbi, a homeless madman who, if what the Bible says is really the truth, had some great ideas about humans ' loving one another". However, Jesus was no different from Mohandas K. Gandhi , Mohammed, Moses and Abraham, Buddha, and every other teacher out there including John Lennon! Jesus was not " Jesus Christ" until 300 CE when Constantine-a Roman Emperor, built a great church in his supposed name; all this being based upon a story passed down from Paul of Tarsus-A MAN WHO WAS NOT EVEN BORN WHEN THE ROMANS ORDERED JESUS-THE MAN-SLAUGHTERED ON THE CROSS FOR BEING A " NUISANCE JEW" AND A " TROUBLEMAKER".
Having watched the documentary titled From Jesus to Christ, I learned all about how the assholes of the Roman Christian church threw away the earliest scriptures of Mary of Magdala, Sayings Quella, THOMAS, and several others who followed the Rabbi. CHRISTIANITY IS BASED ON STORIES; IT IS A FUCKING MYTH! ONE BASED UPON SOME SHITHEAD NAMED PAUL WHO, SAW A MIRAGE OF THE " GOD-SON" FIGURE RISING, FELL OFF OF HIS FUCKING HORSE, AND LATER FELT THE NEED TO TELL THE WORLD " I SAW THE CHRIST!"
I simply explained to Nancy , through the use of a poem, that I do not believe in the same thing that she believes in. Well, needless to say , she then requested that I delete my match.com ad, going so far as to even ask for my password and user name so she could do it in case I did not know how. She wanted for us to focus on our potential relationship and see if we could be compatible. However, I have not heard from her since Monday evening, the night I contacted her on Facebook and told her all about the above movie; that and how I cried through the whole three mini-movies and was so emotionally moved. However, it's been five days since I last heard from her; she is either heartbroken or just figured things out. FUCK IT!
Meanwhile, I put Theresa, the one whose email started with " Fructose" who is from someplace called Walkerton, IN. A businesswoman with a good career, she seems rather eccentric , much like me in many ways. We seem to have the potential to become closer friends; this I sensed from the first reply from her! She seems to be a really awesome person with a great personality, warm, bubbly, what I need to challenge my often dark thoughts about life in general. I could sense something in her, however, friends is what both she, and yes, I, want first! That's the way relationships form; for how many years as fucking " It" did I fail to see this? [ I hate to admit this now, but I saw women as " unavailable vaginas" too stuck up to get to know.] Things are different now as a still not fully complete transsexual woman and yes, a LESBIAN! A LESBIAN!
Anyway, I now understand what it takes to become a viable partner in a relationship! IT BEGINS WITH FRIENDSHIP FIRST! besides, like I told her, I have my life ahead of me and am realizing that the student loan debt is just beginning to accumulate. That said, I need to focus on self-improvement and my writing; and I need to be in a college/university where I can GROW AS A WRITER! New Mexico State University is NOT that place; nor is Las Cruces inspiring to me as an artist! I now wish that I had considered the Maryland Shore, despite my desire to see tall mountains; the fucking Organs have no trees on them except for their eastern slopes. And they have only a few huge pines mixed with Turkey Oaks and desert scrub with a dry brook tucked deep down in a gulch.
I miss New York! The seasonal changes, even the nasty, chilly spring rains that bring those May Blossoms! I need to be in a university which will motivate me to be a better writer; a place where I'll feel more accepted among the LGBT crowd. It is not here at NMSU, the branch Dona Ana-with all its homophobic Mexican-American Assholes fucking really sucks! Even Rhonda, the Mexican-Hispanic woman working at Dona Ana Community College's Student Services for Disabilities Office is NOT the friendly New Mexican she was when I first registered for classes. She now has this snippy " professional" fucking attitude toward me; but I really do not give a flying fuck! Many Mexican-Americans seem so repressed; so fucking CONSERVATIVE! I cannot stand most of them, including my bathroom share-mate here in student apts. at Cervantes Village at NMSU. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PURPOSE OF DECORATING A FUCKING BATHROOM? THE HELL IF I KNOW! All I know is this, I am NOT in the right school for what I want to do!
So, I still have yet to apply to SUNY Purchase College, SUNY Potsdam, SUNY Tompkins-Cortland Community College has a creative writing AA Degree which would be easily transferable to a BA degree school. I am also considering the pricey, yet good California College for the Arts set in the Bay Area in both Oakland and San Francisco; both of which are very queer-friendly places! time is running out! I must get that FAFSA in and will probably be at NMSU-Dona Ana in the fall of 2013, but........
Drama, Television, Gay & Lesbian
Alex Sichel, Sylvia Sichel, Anne Heche, Jane Anderson
Throughout all three movies, I fucking cried so hard! I mean, right there in the theatre. I REALLY FUCKING CRIED MY MOTHER FUCKING EYES OUT. This gnawing feeling deep inside me was making me pine, and pine, and pine, for the feelings that Fran and Kal shared! Perhaps the reason for this was yeah, after finally placing an awesome, knuckles-down, honest to the Goddess personal ad on Match.com; within one week, I met two women with whom a connection seemed evident. The first one, her name Nancy, is 40 years old and from Texas. The second, a businesswoman from Northern Indiana is 46 and , a really sharp, seemingly smart woman. Nancy, who just moved from Pensacola, FL to cedar Hill, TX, she seemed to be moving things along rather quickly; leading me to get a little crazy due to constant feelings of worthlessness and stress associated with my lack of motivation to catch up in my two classes. This after a late start due to Amazon's extra-slow " Super saver delivery" that took 16 FUCKING DAYS TO GET MY BOOKS TO MY PO BOX!
Anyway, Nancy seemed to think that she and I were perfect soul mates, or at least had the potential to become that given some time and nurturing. However, there were some tense moments between her and I. One of those being how, after I stayed up all fucking night last Saturday, she insisted that we " continue our talks" via IM; at which time she demanded to know " What do you do for work besides going to college?" What the fuck? How was I to answer this when I'm on an SSDI/SSI disability income and have not worked in fucking 15 god damn years? So I emailed her, telling her the truth, adding that I expected her to forget about me as a potential partner.
We already had one red flag, this from MY SIDE when she mentioned that she " Trusts in the Lord, Jesus Christ and prays every morning". I DO NOT BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST! I am wise enough to understand that Jesus was a fucking Rabbi, a homeless madman who, if what the Bible says is really the truth, had some great ideas about humans ' loving one another". However, Jesus was no different from Mohandas K. Gandhi , Mohammed, Moses and Abraham, Buddha, and every other teacher out there including John Lennon! Jesus was not " Jesus Christ" until 300 CE when Constantine-a Roman Emperor, built a great church in his supposed name; all this being based upon a story passed down from Paul of Tarsus-A MAN WHO WAS NOT EVEN BORN WHEN THE ROMANS ORDERED JESUS-THE MAN-SLAUGHTERED ON THE CROSS FOR BEING A " NUISANCE JEW" AND A " TROUBLEMAKER".
Having watched the documentary titled From Jesus to Christ, I learned all about how the assholes of the Roman Christian church threw away the earliest scriptures of Mary of Magdala, Sayings Quella, THOMAS, and several others who followed the Rabbi. CHRISTIANITY IS BASED ON STORIES; IT IS A FUCKING MYTH! ONE BASED UPON SOME SHITHEAD NAMED PAUL WHO, SAW A MIRAGE OF THE " GOD-SON" FIGURE RISING, FELL OFF OF HIS FUCKING HORSE, AND LATER FELT THE NEED TO TELL THE WORLD " I SAW THE CHRIST!"
I simply explained to Nancy , through the use of a poem, that I do not believe in the same thing that she believes in. Well, needless to say , she then requested that I delete my match.com ad, going so far as to even ask for my password and user name so she could do it in case I did not know how. She wanted for us to focus on our potential relationship and see if we could be compatible. However, I have not heard from her since Monday evening, the night I contacted her on Facebook and told her all about the above movie; that and how I cried through the whole three mini-movies and was so emotionally moved. However, it's been five days since I last heard from her; she is either heartbroken or just figured things out. FUCK IT!
Meanwhile, I put Theresa, the one whose email started with " Fructose" who is from someplace called Walkerton, IN. A businesswoman with a good career, she seems rather eccentric , much like me in many ways. We seem to have the potential to become closer friends; this I sensed from the first reply from her! She seems to be a really awesome person with a great personality, warm, bubbly, what I need to challenge my often dark thoughts about life in general. I could sense something in her, however, friends is what both she, and yes, I, want first! That's the way relationships form; for how many years as fucking " It" did I fail to see this? [ I hate to admit this now, but I saw women as " unavailable vaginas" too stuck up to get to know.] Things are different now as a still not fully complete transsexual woman and yes, a LESBIAN! A LESBIAN!
Anyway, I now understand what it takes to become a viable partner in a relationship! IT BEGINS WITH FRIENDSHIP FIRST! besides, like I told her, I have my life ahead of me and am realizing that the student loan debt is just beginning to accumulate. That said, I need to focus on self-improvement and my writing; and I need to be in a college/university where I can GROW AS A WRITER! New Mexico State University is NOT that place; nor is Las Cruces inspiring to me as an artist! I now wish that I had considered the Maryland Shore, despite my desire to see tall mountains; the fucking Organs have no trees on them except for their eastern slopes. And they have only a few huge pines mixed with Turkey Oaks and desert scrub with a dry brook tucked deep down in a gulch.
I miss New York! The seasonal changes, even the nasty, chilly spring rains that bring those May Blossoms! I need to be in a university which will motivate me to be a better writer; a place where I'll feel more accepted among the LGBT crowd. It is not here at NMSU, the branch Dona Ana-with all its homophobic Mexican-American Assholes fucking really sucks! Even Rhonda, the Mexican-Hispanic woman working at Dona Ana Community College's Student Services for Disabilities Office is NOT the friendly New Mexican she was when I first registered for classes. She now has this snippy " professional" fucking attitude toward me; but I really do not give a flying fuck! Many Mexican-Americans seem so repressed; so fucking CONSERVATIVE! I cannot stand most of them, including my bathroom share-mate here in student apts. at Cervantes Village at NMSU. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PURPOSE OF DECORATING A FUCKING BATHROOM? THE HELL IF I KNOW! All I know is this, I am NOT in the right school for what I want to do!
So, I still have yet to apply to SUNY Purchase College, SUNY Potsdam, SUNY Tompkins-Cortland Community College has a creative writing AA Degree which would be easily transferable to a BA degree school. I am also considering the pricey, yet good California College for the Arts set in the Bay Area in both Oakland and San Francisco; both of which are very queer-friendly places! time is running out! I must get that FAFSA in and will probably be at NMSU-Dona Ana in the fall of 2013, but........
