Gangsta! Gangsta! A look into why teenagers, those who came from less fortunate families ( and even upper-middle class " wannabees") , join gangs.

You know what would be a killer story to ghostwrite, Kelly? My former suitemate's " old gangsta" boyfriend, Tito. A Mexican-American dude whom the FAILURE of an American penal system has literally SHIT ALL OVER, as they did MICHAEL BROWN of Ferguson, MO and that 12 year old dude who was shot dead by Cleveland Police. I bet he's got a story to tell which, if these fucking idiot redneck cops, judges, and the sorry ass probation/parole officers who must listen to these SCUMBAGS AT BOTH MAGISTRATE AND CRIMINAL CIRCUIT COURT HERE IN LAS CRUCIFIXION, would go fucking viral. IT WOULD SELL-PROBABLY to the top 100 list. I mean, Kelly, here I listened to her mother when she came to clean out her place-Mom paying for both her New Mexico State University-Dona Ana education, and yes, her former place in hopes that she'd have a better life in the future. Mom telling me the same shit my fucking ReThugNican sister tells me ALL THE TIME; that " A JOB IS A JOB!" They treated her like shit and then some at the McGarbage sweatshop she worked at near Walmart Las Cruces - S Valley Dr. Tired of " being McDonald's BITCH, she simply stopped showing up for work and/or came late every day-JUST LIKE I ALWAYS DID DURING THE " Less than 40-50 QUARTERS" I ACTUALLY HELD A JOB!!! 40 quarters=10 years; I worked, at the most, a total of maybe, MAYBE four full time years in total. No, it's like this. School sucks and the asshole overworked teachers reward the " Top teens"; its the same shit, essentially, here in Las Cruces ( probably) as it was in fucking Newtown, Connecticut!! One difference being that Newtown was always 99% Caucasian; today I believe its actually got 1.59% blacks, 2.99% Hispanic, and about 3% total of Asians and Indians ( India). As for Newtown High? Well, it's known for having over 94% continue to higher education; the goddamn school being about the same as always- a place where the JOCKSTRAP and PREPPIE assholes rule the school; the kids who lack the desire to compete, or even LEARN ANYTHING, are often left behind! I was " Adam Lanza." If only Dad owned an AK-47, Tech 9 Milla, or even that AR-15, I may have just GIVEN THOSE DAMN JOCKSTRAPS WHAT THEY REALLY DESERVED!!! Newtown essentially being just like COLUMBINE HIGH OF LITTLETON, COLORADO. I wanted to hammer all the bullies like CHOP MEAT back then.However, Newtown is a lot different than here; more like Littleton with big fancy homes-one main difference being that Littleton's houses are " Californicated". Built on little tiny shitass lots similar in size to Baldwin, Nassau County, New York. That and its a city of nearly 100,000, A fancy schmancy ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA but probably more like Sacramento or the newer neighborhoods of Chico, CA; that and like Las Cruces East Mesa. Mucho dollares for next to NOTHING LOT SIZES AND BIG HOUSING ON THEM! As for Las Cruces? There are very few good jobs here in town! Not that I am looking; to get those few better jobs, one must have both education and yes, EXPERIENCE. That and a CLEAN CRIMINAL and/or DRIVING RECORD. Even the many, and I mean MANY, "dogshit" jobs in this pile of shit city ( mostly-many of the richer people living on the East Mesa are retired, USUALLY FROM THE STINKING BLOODY MILITARY!!!! This goddamn fucking New Mexico State University CATERS TO THESE DAMN MILITARY PEOPLE! That and to its " Christian-redneck COWBOY" CULTURE; I mean Whiskey Dick's is the latest nightclub in this pathetic piece of shit city and county-A COUNTRY BAR??? Hello???? LAS CRUCES IS 63% OR MORE MEXICAN-AMERICANS; YET WE HAVE ONLY FUCKING " YAHOO MUSIC CLUBS" LIKE FUCKING TEXAS??? The parent university of Dona Ana UNDERFUNDED piece of shit Community College- New Mexico State University, CATERS TO THESE REDNECKS AND MILITARY RETIREES!!! How so? NEARLY EVERY CONCERT BOOKED at their Pan-Am Center is, guess what? COUNTRY!!!! YIPPIE YAI YAY YI YO!!! As fucking Frank Zappa of Califuckingfornia once said in a song titled Moving to Montana Soon. And so, this pathetic school shoves its fucking " career-prep" bullshit down every student's throat! And what do they have at the stupid fucking Aggie Career Fair? 1. US BORDER PATROL 2. NM STATE PIGS 3. NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY That and the court representatives trying to hire fucking PROBATION & PAROLE OFFICERS!!! Look.....New Mexico State University students, including sorry ass DACC....THIS IS YOUR FUTURE SHOULD YOU STAY IN SOUTHERN NEW MEXICO!!! You. too can be a " PIG" PIG LIKE this bastard!!! (Prosecute Officer Darren Wilson). While I realize that we all need some amount of law and order, the SYSTEM IS BROKEN. System of a Down, as the band is aptly named. Even worse is the fact that NMSU CONTRIBUTES TO THE BROKEN SYSTEM; the so-called " Branch", DONA ANA is even worse. Advisors are overworked, most teachers are NOT even fully tenured; those who are have grey hair, like my Biology 111G Professor, Dr. Davis. OVERWORKED AND UNDERPAID. That and TRAPPED by a school administration OPERATED BY A BUNCH OF STINKING WHITE CRACKER COWBOYS AND RANCHER TYPES! Most employers in this sorry assed city are SWEATSHOP OPERATORS! Retail horseshit jobs like Target and Walmart!!! Fast food sweatshops and grease-pits on every corner of every major artery. Add to that these " Call Centers" who advertise on many billboards "UP TO $10/HR. NOW HIRING AT EMPERON. EOE. SE HABLA ESPANOL!!!" Come to think of it, some of those call center jobs might be relatively easy; EXCEPT for the fact that one will-MORE LIKELY THAN NOT, be working for some Big Bad Bank, NA and/or worse-CREDIT AGENCY like that shithead " Portfolio Associates" which has offices in Oakland, California and everywhere else in the United, but definitely DIVIDED, States of America. Knowing what it's like when these fuckers CONSTANTLY CALL ALL DAY AND UNTIL 9-10 PM, begging for the money you might owe to some bank and/or credit card scumbag operation; that or maybe MEDICAL BILLS YET UNPAID. FUCK THEM! These goddamn banks act is if they're hurting when in fact they REPACKAGE THE " BAD LOANS" AND THEN SELL THEM TO OTHER BANKS/CREDIT AGENCIES FOR PROFIT! Like Citibank, NA and yes-this PIECE OF SHIT Northeastern megabank that only calls itself a Community Bank NA; BASED IN ROCHESTER, NY, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE FROM Potsdam, New York to Albany and Buffalo; and now well into Pennsylvania as well! Unpaid closure? Go fuck yourselves!!! Sorry, but I was NOT GOING TO ALLOW YOU TO LEGALLY CONFISCATE MY ENTIRE SSD/SSI INCOME FOR OVERDRAFT FEES. DROP DEAD and I hope to holier than holy hell that ISIL bombs you and all of Wall Street! VULTURES!!! LEGAL CRIMINALS. Back to Las Cruci-Fried on meth and alcohol, the latter being something that Walmart sells in all three Las Cruces Supercenters. That said, what does one have here in the " City of the crosses"? True, there's a nice, relatively new aquatic center; that and many parks. However, jock activities appeal ONLY TO JOCKSTRAPS as was the case in fucking Newtown, Connecticut. Not every kid wants to become a stupid jockstrap or preppy! I NEVER DID! That I know! Nor do they want to be part of the US Military. Talk about THUGS! Our moron of a country trains its young to become SOLDIERS. SOLDIERS! Worse yet, this fucking idiot school, New Mexico State University, actually ENCOURAGES THIS BULLSHIT! ROTC!!! YIPPIE YAI YAY YI YO!!! Military veterans get Free transcripts. Worse yet, most American employers VALUE this bulllshit. PAID SERVANTS AND HUMAN ROBOTS, ESSENTIALLY. FUCK THEM ALL! Add to that these Christofascist churches here in " Morondale" Las Cruces. A place where these venomous vermin PREY upon the homeless in much the same way as that Las Cruces Cop who literally beat a homeless drunk nearly to death as he was sleeping on the sidewalk. And if that's not bad enough, these REDNECK COW-MORONS driving HUGE, and I mean HUGE PICK'EM-UP TRUCKS and 4x4 desert rat mobiles, again, mostly from MILITARY FAMILIES, back in 2011-12 winter, SEVERAL HOMELESS PEOPLE WERE LITERALLY BURNED TO DEATH. Must be the SAME REDNECK SHITBIRDS WHO TOSSED THAT CRANKSHAFT THROUGH THE FORMER LGBT CENTER at 1215 N. Main Street. Some of the Mexican-Americans have well assimilated themselves into this culture of redneck military morons! And why not? That's what the PIGS and the JUDAS ( " J"= "H" Americanos!) want them to do! Did I forget the assholes of the law profession? YES, PROSECUTORS LIKE THIS PIECE OF STALE TORTILLA SHIT WITH WORMS UP ITS "CHONCHA", Susana Martinez!!!! Formerly a DEMOCRAT, it became a REPUKE!!! Kissing the Cracker cowboy shitbirds asses like Steve Pearce!!! A PRO-BIRTHER pile of welfare-cutting shit that's all about SUPPORTING THOSE TROOPS-SO HE CLAIMS, ANYWAY. Southern New Mexico being just one small step away from being RURAL TEXAS! Las Crucifixion somewhere between East and West Los Angeles and Texas-the place where Whiskey fucking Dick's is from. Slave jobs and Christo-Catholic stupidity=Las Cruces and especially Dona Ana County. The goddamn Dona Ana County Sheriff's Dept=ASSHOLES!!! They see someone, well, " Driving while Mexican" and LOOK OUT!!!! " WHOOP! WHOOP! THEY ARE ON TOP OF YOUR BUMPER LIKE COWBOYS IN A CATTLE DRIVE ARE TOWARD THEIR CATTLE!!! NO SHIT SHERLOCK, THEY ARE ASSHOLES!!!! " PIGS" IN BLANKETS and I sure as shit do NOT mean HOT DOGS! JUST LIKE THEY ARE IN FLORIDA AND THE REST OF DIXIELAND!!! ASSHOLES!!! Blame Congressman Steve Pearce and his damn Repukes!!! That and the damn " Bank-loving" DEMOCRATS who also kiss the assholes of Big Bad Pharma and Big Bad Bank and Corporation. Trying to put myself in the place of an impoverished, or maybe not so impoverished Mexican dude and/or chick here, let's see, here you are at age 13. You have two or three choices. 1. Go to school and deal with the administrative MILITIA and " School resource" PIGS. 2. Listen to mother and father and become an honor roll student who also must work at McGarbage; all because your parents are naive enough to still believe that America is STILL the " Land of Opportunity. 3. Listen to your homies and join the GANG, becoming a "gangsta"; something which, DUE TO " SAINT" REAGAN'S, and Bushole I/ Bushole II's FAILURE OF A WAR ON DRUGS ( War on FREEDOM!!!!) has BECOME A NECESSITY! After all, WHEN MANY OF THE COPS ARE A " GANG IN BLUE" you have to have a GANG to fight them. Choose one, please. Going back to my former existance and when I first moved to Newtown, Connecticut, as soon as I got into Newtown Middle School, me and some of the other cigarette-smoking "badasses", more like wussies, started a " gang". We carried " NEW YORK CHAINS" as I saw teenagers doing whenever I visited Baldwin, New York to see my Cousin, Diana; this little Sicilian-American punk the girls called " Pauly" carrying his chains attached to his jeans and acting all badass. That and showing us his shiny STILETTO as he tried to be like them punk-ass Puerto Rican teens in " Da Bronx" as it's often called. Baldwin, Nassau County, New York had a city culture similar to here in Las Cruces, a little wealthier but generally middle-class like Ferguson, MO. Today, North Baldwin and Ferguson are VERY MUCH ALIKE-RACIALLY ANYWAY. However, in Baldwin you've got " Obama blacks". Formally-educated power suits and skirts that rule the NYC business world! The only change has been color of skin; otherwise, Baldwin is STILL NICE AS IT ALWAYS WAS. Being a person who could never fight, I too, carried a lock-blade; I'll never forget the look on Alton Cashman's face ( Assistant Principal of Newtown Middle School) when he caught me with that lock blade I bought for a few bucks off some Puerto Rican punk down in Bridgeport, CT. That, plus my many temper tantrums where I'd go out and smash windows and shit for the fun of it, add to that the time I literally SHOVED this girl named Amy Burghoff into Hawley Brook and WHAM, Newtown's pigs were always on my ass! PUNKS MUST BE PUNKS! Soon the Fairfield County "Superior Court", Juvenile Division were onto me. Mr. Cashman was all ready, with the help of NPD, to have me placed into LONG LANE ACADEMY. That or Desisto School up in Sheffield, Massachusetts as the Newtown Board of Education recommended! The beginning of my becoming the piece of shit in life I still am today! As Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, EasyE, and McRen once said ' FUCK THE POLICE!" My fucking parents bailed me out everytime, as long as they had the money. Had they not and/or had I stayed in Baldwin, Nassau County, New York, I too, probably would have been sent to " Mineola, NY", to the Nassau County JDC!!! One of the few friends that I had, Danny Fortune was in and out all the time. His parents a bunch of Irish-Catholic drunks, they were poor. POOR! Danny was a fucking PUNK! From what I heard, I believe he hooked up with the badasses in either ALPHA SIGMA PHI (the " PHI" as they were known) or, I believe those in a group that used to give me beer to drink whenever I went down to Milburn Creek Park- DELTA GAMMA RHO! Yes, the "DELTAS" and the " PHI"; they ruled fucking Baldwin, Nassau County, New York!!! That and Oceanside and Freeport as well. OCEANSIDE ALPHA SIGMA PHI LITERALLY KILLED A KID, ALMOST, IN 1981-82 AT WHAT BECAME KNOWN AS THE " BALDWIN Burger King BRAWL"!!!! ( Read Fraternal Brotherhood and you'll see.) PUNKS!!! PUNKASSES!!! WHITE TEENAGE SUBURBAN STREET GANGS ( and some Hispanics, OKAY-BILLY SANDOVAL OF OCEANSIDE " PHI". The motha fucka who BEAT THE MOTHER FUCKING PISS AND SHIT OUT OF SOME GUY ASSOCIATED WITH BALDWIN OMEGAS, TAKING A FUCKING BASEBALL BAT AND THEN, BASHING THE MOTHER FUCKING JOCKSTRAP'S SKULL IN!!! THUS, BALDWIN, LONG ISLAND, NEW YORK BURGER KING BRAWL OF 1981, I believe? (http://www.city-data.com/…/1670494-who-remembers-hs-fratern…) And so, that may have been my path in life, too. Remember, back then I was always looking to belong; notwithstanding the fact that I did NOT have the SOCIAL SKILLS TO DO SO! Had a stayed in Baldwin, the Phi would have been good for me. I wish I had the answer to life? I do not. However, as part of a class assignment comparing Pandora to Spotify I did last night, we had to find an international radio station online; I chose the NETHERLANDS. A country I always wanted to move to because POT IS ( ALMOST) LEGAL and/or the cops do little more than ID you and take down your name; for dealing-you may eventually get a FINE! Like UK-a fine! Not even that. PROSTITUTION IS 100% LEGAL AND 200% OKAY! The hookers are INSPECTED-GRADE A PRIME ENCHILADAS BABY! Ironically, the women in the Netherlands are supposedly the HAPPIEST WOMEN IN THE WORLD! FEMINISM RULES, not this American uptight "My twat is made of gold" feminism; REAL FEMINISM!!!! DOPE? Even heroin and meth dealers maybe get a year or two max; PRISON IN NETHERLANDS is REHAB AND VOCATIONAL TRAINING. Something which you do because they " nudge" you to do so. CAKEWALK, BABY! Unlike here in the USA, homelessness is NOT ILLEGAL! That and, unlike here where everything's " Background and CREDIT CHECK" even for HUD-funded housing, there the government FINDS HOUSING FOR YOU. CANADA WAS LIKE THAT 10 YEARS AGO; BUT WITH HARPER????? No, when you lack and education, or even when you have graduated from some community college like Dona fucking Ana, EMPLOYERS DO NOT WANT TO HIRE YOU BECAUSE, WELL, YOU HAVE " NO EXPERIENCE". The whole " Hard work ethic" in America is FUCKED! Should you not want to work, or maybe, due to an early criminal record, you have but two choices. 1. Keep looking for SHIT-WORK at McGarbage, Burger Krap, or maybe Walmart. 2. Do the " HUSTLE" BABY!!!! ( http://www.nytimes.com/…/lessons-from-european-prisons.html… ) Most here in the USA are druggies. DRUGGIES. Unless you do something to someone's person, family, or steal their property to get your fix, why then, does one need to go to the " JOINT"? Remember: And this I learned for myself when that fucker, that OLD, BALD-HEADED REDNECK SCUMBAG OF A JUDGE IN POLK COUNTY, FLORIDA railroaded me into bullshit " Drug treatment", the goddamn drug counselor, Patricia, an equally-ANCIENT SHRIVELED UP CHRISTIAN " FOSSIL" who told me to do what I was already doing before PISS TESTING ME FOR POSSESSION OF POT!!! POT!!! Go to these fucking AA/NA meetings!!! REMEMBER: "YOU CAN LEAD THE GODDAMN HORSE TO THE WATER HOLE (or drying out farm) BUT YOU SURE AS FUCK CANNOT MAKE HIM/HER DRINK!!!!" The horsie must first BE THIRSTY!!! And so, when you cannot even get a DOGSHIT JOB at fucking Burger Krap or McGarbage because of a fucking felony or two ( I have two under the former life's name " It Oropal" after a went nuts and pulled a hit and run with injuries on a SUICIDE MISSION similar to what Adam Lanza did in Newtown, Connecticut; one in which I was DESPERATELY HOPING TO COMMIT SUICIDE BY COP!!!) America is FUCKED! FUCKED! RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE TO NOT JUST $8.40 PER HOUR, BUT TO $15.00; believe me, McDogshite and Burger Kunt make MORE THAN ENOUGH MUCHO DINERO!!! Walmart MAKES MUCHO DINERO. The system is fucked; however, IF WORK PAID BETTER AND WAS WILLING TO HIRE INEXPERIENCED MOTHA FUCKAS, CRIME MIGHT JUST NOT BE THE BEST PAYING JOB AROUND!

Who remembers HS fraternities on LI? (Hempstead, Babylon: school, vs, garden) - Long Island -...

I know Valley Stream, Franklin Square, West Hempstead, Island Park and Oceanside had them....

CITY-DATA.COM

Thankstupidity, Shitsmas, and Fleaster

And so, Fleaster. An essentially meaningless to me Christian holiday adopted from the Pagans; originally it was called Eaostre. A honey that was loosely associated with Ostara- the spring holiday. Looking at my niece's daughter, Ruby, who is almost 5 years old or is now 5, all dressed up in her Easter Sundy dress, suddenly I remember back to the days when I was the chimpanzee and had to wear that stupid god damn mother fucking monkey suit; the picture of the piece of shit I was born as standing on the Nassau County storm drain cover at Silver Lake in Baldwin, New York. Watching, as the saltwater sorry they came in or went out; the tidal surge sometimes overflowing into the brackish water lake and over Foxhurst Rd.

Not but I didn't like that dork you little suit at the time, I did. Today, my half a cunt at times " loving" sister, Linda went to church in the morning; that big Irish retired police officer boyfriend she's been with for the past million years, or so it seems to the asshole here that never had a fucking relationship last longer than 11 months in its pathetic life, along with the other douchebag fucking Irishman, Bill O'Reilly on Fox News, probably convinced her to return to the Church of our childhood. A church she loved so much mom and rolled over in Catholic school where, not only did she learn how to study for tests, she often was dragged down the hall and/or had her knuckles cracked with yardstick by the "nice" Catholic sisters!! Something which obviously taught Linda how to be a good little Catholic girl I'm grow up to be a submissive, ass kissing, reasonably successful businesswoman.

That and a good little Republican that has never strayed from the party which has become a part of your fucking Christian Jihadist assholes. Always the agreeable " good Catholic girl" except when she doesn't like your tone of voice or whatever you have to say- at which time she ignores you and gives you the cold fucking shoulder, Linda has faithfully taking her psychopharmacological brain pills since before our mother, Cosima Evelyn Gebbia- Oropal, croaked, on July 30, 2011. Always suggesting as to how I should have been taking the same looney pills from the time I was in middle and high school. The way she figures things, those pills would have helped me become a humble worker and "Enabled me to become a productive, taxpaying citizen who would then be able to hold a job working at McGarbage, or maybe Target or Walmart." Remind me to get the gun and kill myself, Linda. As suicide's far more enjoyable than the best workday at McDogshite or Walmart; my taxes paying for a nice warm jail cell to sleep and after I got caught for drinking and driving- or maybe drinking, driving, and TEXTING on my way home from Walmart, or Village Inn where I worked as an idiot clerk or bus person. Just like most of these brain dead drunkard, meth smoking idiots in New Mexico!!!!!

Yes Easter Sunday. A day when both Catholic and Christian, I mean CONSTANTINIAN, goes to church in their " Easter best". Listening to some fucking place to rehash the same old shit about how " Jesus Christ was crucified on Holy Thursday, rose from the dead and ascended into heaven on good friday, and appeared on Easter Sunday. Let us fucking PRAY! " Ahhh-fucking-hemm!

Now a transgender woman, one that does not fit in either the male or female spectrum of the two gender roles North can attest to having any clothes female friends- well, besides to cross dressing men called Transvestites ( their words) I know back in Connecticut, I can remember when I was 7 or 8 years old and living in Baldwin, Long Island, New York. Often reading Encyclopedia Britannica and studying the biological female anatomy, you know, the vagina, uterus, and fallopian tubes containing the eggs ready for fertilization soon as she turned 12-13 (mother having never taught me that a woman can get pregnant as young as 12 or 13-I learned this on my own! ) , after listening to that priest on Sunday morning at St. Christopher's Roman Catholic Church on Merrick Road/ SR 27A, many nights I'd have SCARY NIGHTMARES.

 After listening to that priest at St Christopher's RC Church, orphan on Saturday when I went to Mass in the afternoon but also on Sunday, priest talking about how Jesus died and rose for our sins to the point that I could see him coming off the stained glass windows on the walls of that church and float across the congregational chamber; those bleeding holes in his hands from where the Romans hammered in the nails; at the request of the Jews who wanted him killed, of course! the Romans were innocent; they just did whatever the Jews wanted them to because the Jews couldn't get blood on their hands, or so we were told by the Catholic priest! Often, he'd rehearse the same old story about the doubting Thomas; the disciple who, like fucking Peter when the cock crowed three times, REFUSED TO BELIEVE that Jesus is actually killed and returned to life as God's own son, Thomas being wrong for saying " If it is really you, Lord then show me the Nails!!! I want to see the nails!!!" Supposedly Thomas was the closest disciple of Yeshua- the Jewish Rabbi; however, in Christian and Catholic theory, Thomas was the bad guy!!!! After all, throughout history, the JEW was always the bad guy!!!

Honestly, as a young child of seven to nine years old, a time when my parents trusted me to ride my bicycle across Merrick Road to Saint Christopher's Roman Catholic Church (unlike the pathetic, paranoid suburban douchebags who call themselves parents today, those who can't even let their kids play in the front yard without supervision, only because they watch too much dog shit news on TV on Fox and local channels and I've been brainwashed into thinking the world is such a dangerous place for children!) , I WAS CONFUSED!!!! I REALLY THOUGHT THAT JESUS ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY ROSE FROM THE GRAVE AND CAME BACK TO LIFE!!! MUCH THE SAME AS MARILYN MANSON OF CANTON, OHIO SAW ANGELS AND DEVILS FLYING IN THE AIR AND FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER. Something Mr. Manson had been taught by both his Episcopal evangelical conservative parents and that teacher at Heritage Christian Academy!!!

Now for the clincher. And so, having that disgusting part I was born with down there, yes, that fucking phallus, that and those lumps of soon to become useless shit that were attached to it; those things I'd often have kicked by the Irish and Italian Catholic bullies back in Baldwin, Long Island, New York to the point that I begin crying like a little girl ( which I was-despite being told otherwise!) ; often, I'd walk around constantly tugging at my crotch. This being from the time I was around my niece's daughters age of 4-5 until well into my teenage years when those things were to grow and affect my moods; many times to the point that, after my parents moved me to Newtown Connecticut at age 12, drove me insane to the point that I, like Adam Lanza, wants to take a machine gun and shoot every motherfucker in Newtown!! The asshole jocks & preppies, in particular. Those who, like those Irish and Italian American assholes back in Baldwin, we're a bunch of fucking dickheads!!! Dickheads like the moron who ripped at st. Christopher's medallion right off my neck one day at Dickinson memorial town park.

And so, between the ages of 7 to 9 years old when I went to St Christopher's Roman Catholic Church, in Baldwin, Long Island, New York and was sitting in Mass, during the whole sit, stand, kneel, and stand again bullshite as we were told to do by the priest, I would stare up at nice pictures of Jesus, the halo around his head depicted on the stained glass windows. That brilliant springtime sunshine shining through the Western window on a Saturday afternoon at Mass.

Getting home that night, or, when I went to Mass on Sunday morning at 11, sometime late on Sunday afternoon on the days I attended Mass on Sunday morning and went fishing, at Loft's Lake Pond on Merrick Road, right back at you Encyclopedia Britannica I would dive. Studying what else? The female anatomy of uterus, vagina, and fallopian tubes. Correlating what I read in the Encyclopedia Britannica's Medical encyclopedia directed with the whole "dying and rising" God theory the priest always taught us at church. Then came the NIGHTMARES. LITERALLY I COULD SEE THOSE HOLES IN JESUS' HANDS! AT WHICH TIME I'D FREAK OUT AND WONDER WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO FEEL THOSE NAILS GOING THROUGH MY OWN HANDS AND WRISTS!!! IT WAS SCARY.

Soon came nighttime. A time when mother used to teach me, what one hopes of making my Godmother Aunt Rita happy, to pray to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen!! As black people in the South would say: May I have another Amen!! Drifting off to sleep, our cat, Frisky, often coming in my room to sleep upon his favorite desk in the alcove overlooking the street; usually staying awake all night as cats do-Frisky would just look at the window all night to watch the alley cats fight in the street; knowing that my asshole neighbor living next store, Tommy Ward, what sound asleep and wouldn't be running them over with his hot rod Corvette as he'd drive up and down Tulip Ave in Baldwin; often at speeds exceeding 50 miles per hour!!!! Old Frisky being too smart, luckily, TO GET KILLED UNDER ASSHOLE TOMMY WARD'S WHEELS!! SCHMUCK!!!

And so, saying my prayers like the good little Catholic "M-thing" I was supposed to be, Mom would tuck her little bastard child into bed and under the covers. I being the misbehaving little bastard that the psychiatrist told one of the put on fucking Ritalin; something which every one of my Jewish friends from the special, or "retard school" I went to called BOCES we're on already! Their parents often being far wealthier than my idiot father ever was, their Jewish parents would send them to the perfect psychiatrist. A man who'd then prescribe " looney pills" for them so as to make their busy parents jobs a lot easier; as well as help the teacher micromanage each and every one of them in class!

And so, deep into sleep I'd fall. Not having a first clue as to how my father managed to keep the house going, keep food on the table for the family, and buy me all those toys in hopes that it would make me a better child at mother's request. Mom hoped that my having lots of Jennifer hope your toys to play with would make me happy. HAPPY. Like that's stupid fucking songs Mary Kaye liked so goddamn much. The woman at the homeless camp I met last summer. 

Frisky up on that desk and sometimes growling and hissing at other male cats outside, Frisky being smarter than any of them because he had his testicles surgically removed ( hence: his fear of speeding cars on busy Atlantic Ave. 200 feet south of 2817 Tulip Ave Baldwin, NY 11510) , often I'd awaken at like 2 am.This after, in my first dream, literally seeing Jesus coming down with the blood pouring out of the holes in his hands and wrists; Thomas hollering loudly, " HOW DO I KNOW IF YOU ARE THE REAL CHRIST OR NOT? I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT IT'S YOU, LORD!!! IF YOU ARE THE CHRIST, THEN, SHOW ME THE NAILS!!!! I WANT TO SEE THE NAILS!!!" Remember......the cock shall crow thrice!!!!

Mom sometimes coming inside my room after she heard me screaming really loud in FEAR and telling her how I felt those nails penetrating my hands just like they did to Jesus when the Romans, who were paid by the Jews to kill Jesus Christ, pounded those nails-HARD- into the palms of his hand!!!! At which turn should reassure me that everything was ok and to go back to sleep. As 4y frisky ever came in my room, that I do not know? After all, like my brother before me who stay in that room and threw him off the porch when he was just a tiny kitten, Frisky hated me because I was often an animal abuser. All children are, those with emotional problems especially!!!

Again falling into a deep sleep, usually around 4 o'clock in the morning, I'd have another nightmare and wake up again. Only difference being that this time the vagina monster is coming to get me. She floated like a ghost across the room in my dreams. Constantly alternating with images of Jesus Christ with the holes in his hands bleeding profusely! ( Doubting Thomas!!!) . The vagina monster having looked just like the fallopian tubes, uterus, and vagina as depicted in Encyclopedia Britannica's Family Medical Encyclopedia. 

Back when I was 7-9, I hadn't the foggiest idea of what she wanted. Now that I've come out of the closet, I know why she came. Why she often alternated her persona with Jesus Christ and those totally gnarly, bleeding holes in his hands!!! She what's coming for me, trying to tell me something. Trying she snatched me up with those hands made out of fallopian tubes as she came through the closed door leading out to the outdoor porch above the den, or Florida room. The same one my older brother, Joseph Albert Oropal, threw Frisky off when he still lived at home- all because frisky was on his bed and he hated having a cat sleep on his bed!

Meanwhile, and I'm sure both my aging Catholic Uncle Sal and Aunt Rita still remember this; often, I'd walk around the neighborhood constantly tugging at the crotch of my pants. Doing this whenever mom and dad would take me out to a restaurant, to the park, what's a visit company, as they called our relatives, as well as their friends. My father being embarrassed of what, in his own words to my mother, " The stupid goddamn moron SOB kept doing so as to embarrass (its) family", he'd always yell at me. " STOP IT. CALL DAMMIT DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU DO THAT IT REFLECTS ON THE FAMILY AND YOUR UPBRINGING?" Replying, I'd tell him, " I can't. Something's making me uncomfortable and making my pants feel tight all the time! I hate it Dad. I hate myself and wish the hell I was dead! If only I was lucky enough to get hit by my neighbor when he speeds up and down the street in his hot rod car! 

Tommy was a surfer; he look just like those surfer boys from where Cassandra-a woman I know from our atheist meetings, lived in Orange County, California. Long Island, NY also being a big surfer hotspot, Tommy would brag about how we drove out to East Hampton and Montauk and surfed big waves seen on windy days that reminded him of California.Worthy of mention here would be how Tommy Ward, and his brother Jamie ( John, Jr) HATED MY FUCKING GUTS. MUCH THE SAME AS EVERY OTHER BOY ON TULIP AVENUE AND MOST OF THE GIRLS AS WELL. To them, I was a " spas", a god damn mother fucking retard. More then once I almost got my wish. It would speed up and try to run me over every time I cross the street. Other times, however, Tommy Ward would allow me to ride in his souped up hot rod Corvette. At which time he would speed down tulip Avenue as fast as 55 miles per hour; laughing, as he scare all the kids were playing in the street to near death. One girl, as I remember, running up to him and crying because she ran over her cat and killed it dead! To which tommy said something like " GOOD! MY MOM WAS SICK OF YOUR CAT COMING OVER AND PISSING AND SHITTING IN OUR BUSHES ALL THE TIME ANYWAY!" 

Like his father, John James Ward Senior and brother Jamie ( gay- but in the closet still, I believe?) Tommy was a rotten asshole. One time when my mother came over to tell him to stop racing the car in the driveway all day, the car literally spent on her fucking feet. Telling her " Fuck you Mrs. OROPAL!! And how about spastic little retard that, if ( it) ever tries to jump on mine, or my father's cars again I will beat ( its) brains in, tying ( it) to the back of my car as I drag ( its) retarded little ass down the street!"

Yeah, much like my so called adult life, I often being less " mature" than the average 21 to 22 year old college student here at New Mexico State University, I did not know how to act around people. Lacking both social skills and the ability to fight the bullies, I took my frustrations out on myself. Doing everything from taking off almost all my clothes and running up and down Tulip Avenue in Baldwin in my underwear; so getting on my bicycle and riding really fast on the sidewalk. Running over as many job carriages, big wheels, and everything else the kids left over as if I was Tarzan! This, I often did during the three religious holidays of the year; Thanksgiving, Christmas, and yes, Easter. Usually after drinking at least 8 to 12 glasses of wine given to me by my Sicilian Italian grandmother, Sadie Gebbia; Reveri parents weren't looking, grandma getting used to always give us as much wine as we could drink. At which time mom would open her big mouth and start screaming at her; " WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING MOM? THESE KIDS ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE DRINKING ALCOHOL! BUT NO, YOU ENCOURAGE THEM!!!" To which Grandma often replied, loudly and proudly, " DON'T YOU DARE TELL MA-MA WHAT TO DO. ITS THE LORDS HOLIDAY LET THE KIDS HAVE SOME WINE!!!"

Yeah, my long having grown up and become an ADULT cousin, Diana, I as well, we loved it when Grandma Gebbia you're used to give us wine! As usual, Dad came running and began yelling at her too. " WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOUR CHICK GIVING A LITTLE MORE ON WINE WHEN YOU KNOW ( IT) CANNOT HANDLE IT! NOW IT'S GOING TO GO IN HER EYES THE NEIGHBORHOOD LIKE IT USUALLY DOES! YOU OUGHTA BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! THIS IS AMERICA, NOT ITALY!"

At which time, soon as Dad try to punish me or force me to go to my room, I would run right out of the house ripping off my clothes and screaming; or more often, running like hell out through the garage, hitting the automatic door button, and getting on my bicycle. At which time I would storms on the sidewalks tulip Avenue and run over there was a big meals, doll carriages, what I forgot in my way. My irate and often angry, mean tempered father running after me and yelling, I would yell "fuck you dad! You CANNOT STOP ME BY GIVING ME THE SPANKING OF MY LIFE!!" At which time I would play "drunk driver!" A game in which the object is not only run over every big wheel and carriage on tulip Avenue on the sidewalk, and sometimes peoples cats with the bicycle if they got in my way, BUT MORE OFTEN RATHER THAN HIT A CAT, I WOULD RUN INTO OTHER CHILDREN. ESPECIALLY THOSE GOD DAMN TANNER GIRLS UP THE STREET WHO ALWAYS THREW ROCKS AT ME AND CALLED ME A "RETARD" AND A "FAGGOT"!!! ONCE, I BELIEVE, I TOOK MY BICYCLE WHEEL ON A HIT AND TANNER RIGHT BETWEEN THE LEGS. TRYING TO HER HER AS MUCH AS SHE DID WHEN SHE PICK UP A STICK AND DO THE SAME TO ME; HOHER IRISH BOY BULLIES STANDING UP FOR HER.

Other times, however, I just simply took my frustrations out on myself. Screaming, if I smashed my skull cap repeatedly into those hard plaster walls, and even the fieldstones on the outside of our house. I hate myself and hated what I was born as. Truthfully, I never can attest to ever feeling like the "boy" I was supposed to be. That creature who stood up to piss, or, as my often I'm reading someone's stupid father would often say..." Make a siss". Men's and boys rooms scared the living shit out of me, yeah I didn't know why. Nothing annoyed me more than hearing the sound of urine splashing into the toilet water; I was ashamed of my body and ashamed of myself. Not even Dr. Herbert. Rosenthal of Oceanside, New York, a Jewish psychologist who had a practice in Long Beach, could figure out what's wrong with me? Dad, meanwhile, was so unhappy about the way I kept pulling at my crotch and front of my pants. As he often said to Mom, " I deliberately embarrass him and the rest of my family by not knowing how to act right when in public!"

And so, listening to those Jewish parents whose children were also in BOCES, Jewish parents that had a lot more money than my family did, mom and dad took me to a psychiatrist in Manhasset, Long Island, New York; right near Great Neck with my sisters lives today, and yes, close to Plandome Manor what her favorite Fox News personality, Bill O'Reilly lives with whatever woman he is fucking these days after his wife left him. Naturally, the idiot put me on fucking Ritalin. That and some kind of tranquilizer so I could sleep better at night- probably trazadone; that and Niacin for my vitamin deficiency. At the time, I didn't eat meat nor many vegetables; the only thing I like to eat with pasta and more pasta, and yes, the Chinese wonton soup and Egg foo young with my parents lied to me and told me it didn't have pork in it- IT DID. other times, when they took me to White Castle over in Lynbrook on the Sunrise Highway ( SR 27) , they would trick me into eating a White Castle hamburger or two. Mom saying, " It's just bread. Not real meat." BULLSHIT!

Between my parents, and some of those teachers are used to have at BOCES, Mrs. Greenfield comes to mind here. The Jewish woman who taught us at the Lakeview location of BOCES situated in an old Elementary School building on Lakeview Avenue in a Nassau County Community that was all black by that time ( 1970-71). Oh how I treated us children like stupid..... well, it's fucking retards! Not but most of us warming, we were shooting the zombie pills the psychiatrists had been force feeding us at the request of both teachers and parents who expected us to stay calm and know how to behave properly!!!

One sunny spring afternoon, the teachers at Greenfield BOCES took her for a walk around like for you to "meet the neighbors". Something which, considering that most of us kids were white and either Italian, Irish, or Jewish, felt rather odd. Baldwin did not have any black people in it at the time, North Rockville Centre, Lynbrook, Valley Stream, Merrick, Bellmore, and yes, Massapequa where my Jewish friend Morgan lived! it felt really weird to have to say hello to black people when, bacchanal neighborhood mostly white, we were taught to do the opposite.

Don't get it started here, please. I was AFRAID OF THOSE BLACK PEOPLE; ONLY BECAUSE, AT THE TIME BACK IN BALDWIN, NEW YORK, EVERY GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING WHITE BOY ON MY STREET AND ALL THE WHITE GIRLS CALLED THEM WELL THE N-WORD. "Niggers". Something which my family, & I give them credit for this, taught me to never say! This to the point that one time, back when Mr Ward-the retired NYPD detective had his floor business and would wax floors, at our house and working, told my father that instead of bailing me out, he should have " Let the police come take me to the looney bin, to jail with those niggers so I could get my brains beat it and learn my lesson!" Yes-Mr. John Ward was... A FUCKING COP.

Need I say that, for once, my father did something right??? Standing up to Mr Ward, Dad literally screamed at him really loud: " DON'T YOU DARE TALK THAT WAY AROUND MY WIFE AND MY KID- YOU GOD DAMN BIGOTED IRISH BASTARD YOU! WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WITH YOUR IDIOT I WISH DETECTIVES AND COPS DRINKING WHISKEY ALL DAY BACK AT THE PRECINCT IN BROOKLYN, NEW YORK? TELL YOU WHAT, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE. NEXT TIME YOU COME BACK I'D BETTER NOT BE HERE! OR OK I'LL SWING AT YOU WITH A BASEBALL BAT AND GIVE YOU WHAT YOUR GOD DAMN IRISH COPS TO THE BLACK PEOPLE ALL THE TIME WHEN YOU ARREST THEM FOR THOSE DRUGS!"

Yes, Baldwin, Long Island, New York circa 1972. Soon after, Dad had our kitchen remodeled. At what's time you told that old miserable Irish cop next door " Your services are no longer needed! Go back to the forest and go drink some whiskey with all the other idiots detectives like yourself!" GOOD GOING JOB. I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE A FUCKING ASSHOLE BUT THAT TIME YOU WERE RIGHT, AND YES YOU RAISED ME TO BE RIGHT. Yet another time, with my friends around the corner, or white kids they run up and down the street to welcome the first new black kid to the neighborhood. Hollering out " JUNGLE BUNNY!!! ME TARZAN. I AM KING OF THE JUNGLE; YOU JUNGLE BUNNY." Like the gullible idiot I was, as my father always called me, and yes he was right, I've decided to join in the fun. DESPERATE TO BE ACCEPTED IN MY BALDWIN, NEW YORK NEIGHBORHOOD.

However, I was also stupid enough to come running home and tell my father about our little game of "jungle bunny" . After it's time my father sent me in the corner and told me" Just because the rest of your moron friends call blacks that derogatory bad racist word doesn't mean you have to. Most I'm done have drunken cop fathers like the Irish idiot next door!" And so, back to Lakeview. It so odd for me, as well as the other kids to learn how to be friendly with all kinds of people; that was not what we were taught that in our mostly white neighborhoods. However, even though she often treated us like a bunch of retarded idiots zombies on medication- not that almost all the rest besides myself were not that, thanks to mommy, daddy, and the nice psychiatrist who gave us the happy pills, I must say that, being Jewish, Mrs Greenfield taught us right!!" Today, Baldwin is mostly black north of the Sunrise Highway and LIRR tracks; however, my old neighborhood is still mostly white but, kind of mixed. It has black, white, Chinese, other Asian, and yes, more upper middle class Puerto Ricans and Mexicans- all of her me the work in the city at six figure income jobs, or own their own businesses and software companies. Baldwin has changed. However, the place where mom and dad moved be too, not the cause balding was starting to have blacks move in, but to get away from the asshole white people next store who wants to kill both me and my mother ( and probably would have / almost did once-Mr Ward kept several civil service revolvers at home plus 2-3 shotguns). However, Newtown was a lot more prejudiced, they were just simply bigots. Many of them were, anyway. To this day, despite the fact that Newtown has gotten a lot less prejudiced except when it comes to class status, let me get the same bigoted white assholes I went to highschool with us living there, raising their children just as they were raised. Others who never made it in life have one moved on to places like Florida, Pennsylvania, Texas, and probably Kentucky and Tennessee.

The Season of the Morons. What's the sense in celebrating the supposed birthday of some dead, prehistoric Jew?

Bah fucking humbug. Once again, the season of stupidity has descended upon asshole America. And so, another stupid, meaningless Thanksgiving has come and gone. The " Season of the morons" as, I often call the Holiday Season has descended upon America once again. Put mildly, I completely lost interest in the celebrating Thanksgiving, "Christ-mas"[Yule-a Pagan holiday that was moved four days ahead on Common Era Calendar], and Easter soon as I was told there was no real Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, or what have you. My best memories of family gatherings? My family and I were at my Aunt Rita and Uncle Sal's for Thanksgiving in North Baldwin. I was 8 years old, the emotionally disturbed child with severe ADHD. As always, like my father constantly told me, I never knew how to act normal when around company. Anyway, as my extended Catholic family prepared to say " Grace"-my Aunt and Uncle being rather pious, I, the misfit " Las fachim-a-mamma" as Dad always called me, reached across the table to for cranberry sauce. Being that I always hated turkey and stinky-ass fish and didn't eat meat of any kind between age 3-13, all I ate was pasta and some vegetables. Anyway, as usual, Dad got all upset, reminding Mom once again that I was a " bastard" and " garblaminca" [ piece of garbage in Italian-American] and yes, an " animal" as he endearingly called me all the time.    


Anyway, so the time came to say " Grace", at which time I folded my hands and loudly exclaimed " WHY DO WE HAVE TO THANK GOD FOR THE FOOD? GOD DOESN'T PROVIDE IT, MOM BUYS IT WITH MONEY AT THE SUPERMARKET!" You may say I was already quite the little Atheist at age eight. Anyway, as usual, Dad sported that John Boehner style look of scorn, complaining to Mom about how " The miserable, ingrate bastard does everything [ it] could to embarrass the family, Evelyn. What the hell's that lousy Jew therapist, Dr. Rosenthal, doing for the miserable moron I don't know?" Being more Christian than a lot of Christians and Catholics usually are, my Aunt Rita and Sal did not say anything; Mom tried to keep the peace.

That said, plus the realization that the fucking Easter Bunny and Santa Claus no longer existed, there was nothing meaningful for me about the three, All-American "stupidity holidays". My sister, Linda Hayduk, said I had asperger's and that was the reason I never " showed any compassion or empathy toward others". This, she did after I was committed to Yale-New Haven Psychiatric Hospital in 2010-11 during the idiot season. Naturally, she was looking for an excuse as to why I " changed genders" in the first place; Asperger's and XXY chromosome disorders showing similar symptoms, I learned from a genderqueer woman I knew in the NMSU Psychology degree program. truthfully, I never was one to "walk fifteen miles out of my way" to buy gifts for others, nor could I see the sense in sending " Christmas Cards" to every fucking relative and friend on the list. Having lived with Mom most of my fucked up life, annually, I'd watch her get all stressed out as she felt imposed to write out and mail everyone on her long list a goddamn Christmas Card.

" What the hell are we celebrating?" I'd often say to her. " The birth of some long dead Jew many people believed was the supposed 'Son' of God? The way I see it, Mom, the whole goddamn holiday season makes absolutely no sense. Why get all stressed out worrying about giving gifts and all just to commemorate the supposed birthday of some long dead Jew?" It never made sense to me. I could see the sense in giving someone a birthday present if one could afford it, but to celebrate the supposed " birthday" of some long deceased ancient Jewish man who walked the Earth? WTF?
Back in 2013 when my Rapid Re-housing HUD Grant expired, rather than go look for some stupid rent-a-slave job at Walmart or McDogshite like my sister suggested, I moved the fuck out of that little rental cottage and into student housing. Need I say my sister gave me a heavy duty lecture about how I do not know how to be grateful and humble; both of which is a load of Christ-centered horseshite and makes me want to vomit when I even heard the words. Believe me, having wasted several years of my fucked up life going to 12-step groups but never being able to " get down my my knees and pray" to some higher power, I developed a disdain for everything having to do with being a " spiritual" person.

The three words that always disgusted me were humility, grace, gratitude. That and love. I could not, and still cannot [ nor want to ever learn how to] be humble, grateful for my house, job, or whatever. That and the whole " love your neighbor as yourself" thing makes absolutely NO SENSE to me. Stupidity to the max. And so, I had to listen to my often critical sister tell me " YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF GRATITUDE. You should be humble and thankful for the 13 months that agency helped you with your rent, for a roof over your head." I think I said something like "Thanks, president Barack Obama for the mostly free rent. The welfare aint' givin me nothing for food stamps nor rental assistance in this piece of crap country the Republicans destroyed."

That all said, truly, I find this whole Holiday Season to be the season of stupidity. The whole idea of giving back to your loved ones and friends registers a " 10" on my shite meter. Even if I were employed I'd do what I could to get the hell out of gong to some dumb Holiday party because, were I to go, I'd more than likely be the asshole who gets drunk and dances on the table with that lamp shade upon my head. That or go screw the boss in the broom closet, or maybe eat her snatch if the boss were a woman; and yes, be out of a job by morning.

And so, let the Season of the Idiots begin. Like every other year, I shall choose to tune in, turn on, and drop out. Stupidity. That and meaninglessness, the thought of wasting my time celebrating what was rumored to be the birthday of some ancient Jew named Jesus. BAH HUMBUG. On this I must agree with Friedrich Nietzsche in his book The Antichrist when he called Christianity the religion of pity, of the downtrodden. The last book Nietzsche wrote before he lost his sanity. Not that I agree with everything Nietzsche said. However, I find it far more relevant to humanity than any of the horseshit foretold in the Bible. Most of the New Testament having been written by PAUL. A half-Roman/ half-Jew who WAS NOT EVEN BORN when the Romans crucified Jesus on the huge wooden cross with the thieves and other criminals; his punishment: terrorism [ and probably mental illness].

One thing Friedrich Nietzsche was right about is this. The Christian religion goes against everything natural to humankind; it is highly self-debasing, the egocentric person being how humans are really supposed to be. Selfish. Not that there's anything wrong with helping others, there isn't anything wrong with it should one wish to do so. After all, for many people, caring about another human being or other animal is normal. That is, if there is such a thing as being " normal". The point about Christianity is this. When Nietzsche labelled it the most self-debasing religion on Earth, he meant that Christianity goes against everything that's human. Like every other beast of the field, humans are inherently SELFISH. That said, one need realize the real reason for being generous; to get something in return.

For example, one falls " in love" with their chosen mate because of what's in it for THEMSELVES. Not for the other person in the relationship or marriage. Should one waste their money buying gifts for another, one need remember this. That the reason for doing so is because they expect the same from the other person. Nobody even knows for sure if there even was a Jesus; secular Bible scholars have said that his name was Yeshua, not " Jesus Christ". According to Dominic Crossan, Elaine Pagels and others, " Christ" was a name given to him by Paul. Yes, PAUL. The guilt-filled asshole born roughly 19 years after they killed Jesus, who in turn became " Saint Paul". The Roman Christian appointed "expert" as to what Jesus supposed "ministry" was all about.

I agree with Friedrich Nietzsche. Christianity is the most unnatural, self-debasing religion in the world. Many in the United, but definitely divided, Asshole of America believe that Islam is the world's wickedest religion. However, Christians have started more wars and killed more humans than any other religious group known to humankind. It's interesting that Nietzsche had a soft spot for Buddhism, seeing it as making far more sense than the whole living in " sin" concept associated with Christianity. That and the fact that most Buddhists see Buddhism as more of a philosophy than a religion.

As for whether or not Jesus actually existed, that and, if he did, who he was in an historical context? Well no one really knows for sure; for those who claim they do, those secular Bible scholars, they claim he may have been married to Mary of Magdala and, more than likely, she bore his children. Atheists debate the possibility of Jesus existence. That said, WHAT IS THE REAL REASON FOR THE SEASON? I think I'll stick with that wise Jew named Mel Brooks on this one.

A Hollywood filmmaker, director, and producer, Mel Brooks was best known for his 1973 blockbuster hit Blazing Saddles. His second blockbuster movie being the 1984-85 hit Spaceballs:The movie, in it he-in the starring role, can be quoted telling his intern, a nice young " Drewish prince" [ spoof on Judaism], the following: "MERCHANDISING! MY DEAR BOY! IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MERCHANDISING!" Perhaps Mel Brooks knew more about the so-called " Reason for the Season" than anyone else.

Which brings me to the conclusion here as to what the meaningless to me, senseless, Holiday Season is REALLY ABOUT. " MERCHANDISING! IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MERCHANDISING!" [ Brooks]

I was an " Adam Lanza" but , in Newtown High School's Class of 1981, one was able to smoke their anger away in pot

A former student of Newtown High, Sandy Hook, CT, as the " gorrilla" I was unfortunately raised as, I was often " lost" like Lanza, dropping out after junior year and going on homebound education for special ed students. This after my family had a long, drawn out fight with the assholes at the Newtown Board of Education. That said, why am I not surprised as to how clueless the school's psychologists and guidance counselors are at NHS?

"Lanza continued onto 10th grade and integrated more with other students. Records reflected an ongoing underestimation of his actual disabilities. A community psychiatrist diagnosed him with Asperger’s Syndrome, but Yale Child Study Center clinicians did not conclude that he definitely had the disorder. He did however have severe anxiety and extensive needs, according to the Yale diagnosis."

An excerpt from my Facebook page, as the third anniversary of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings soon comes, once again, I question the motives of 20 year old Adam Lanza. Why did he do it? The official report [ Newtown Patch] from the State of Connecticut. 

****************************************************************************************************************************

Gun Access

The report’s section on firearms and mental illness is less than two pages long. It notes that Adam Lanza had access to firearms as he grew-up. His father said in police interviews he didn't know his wife had been buying her own guns and assumed they were rented for shooting activities.

He eventually learned Adam Lanza had access to guns when he took him to a shooting range and he showed up with two long guns.

The authors go on to cite a 2010 study in the American Journal of Law and Economics that showed gun-related homicides in Australia dropped 59 percent between 1995 and 2006 and firearm-suicide dropped 65 percent following meaningful gun control regulations that outlawed possession of assault weapons following a mass shooting.

“Access to assault weapons with high capacity magazines did play a major role in this and other mass shootings in recent history. Our emphasis on AL’s (Adam Lanza) developmental trajectory and issues of mental illness should not be understood to mean that these issues were considered more important than access to these weapons or that we do not consider such access to be a critical public health issue.”

If your child has emotional problems, why not buy him a gun? Learning how to 

properly shoot at targets, rabbits, and other varmint can only help the dear 

boy. 

Right? Remember what Congressman Steve Pearce and the other Elephants 

say....guns save lives. 

Yes, the ass fucking hole of a Congress-MAN we have here in piece of shit, buck 

fuck ugly Southern New Mexico. Earlier this year, Pearce spent $20,000 of 

taxpayer's money on a round trip flight to Egypt. Why Egypt? Well the son of a 

bitch and his son/s own a company specializing in pulleys used on oil pump 

jacks. those funny looking things one will see as they drive through Western 

Texas and Eastern New Mexico, as well as CO, KS, and other western Mountain 

States. 

***********************************************************

“A Recipe for Mass Murder”

The report authors concede they can't definitively answer the question that has been on many people’s minds since Dec. 14, 2012: Why?

“There is no way to adequately explain why AL [Adam Lanza] was obsessed with mass shootings and how or why he came to act on this obsession. In the end, only he, and he alone, bears responsibility for this monstrous act,” the report went on to say.

Bull-fucking-shite! 

Lanza wanted to prove the correlation between chimpanzees raised as humans in captivity, and human children who also are, that when pressured to act civilized, both chimp and human child will eventually seek vengeance toward those who tried to civilize him or her. That's what he told some guy on an online radio station in Seattle,WA dedicated toward anarchistic values.

This was true. I listened to the radio call in show's transcripts and heard Lanza say this. About a year at the most before the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, a chimpanzee raised as a human child by a Stamford, CT woman lost his mind, at which time he snapped, went berserk, attacking the woman " mother" who raised him as a human. According to the somewhat screwed up brain of Adam Lanza, chimpanzees and human children react to being " civilized" in similar ways. Lanza stated that many of today's children are placed on psychiatric medication as young as six years old, even younger. Busy couples in America often have to both go to work in order to survive, the cost of a suburban, or semi-rural suburban [ Newtown] house on two acres costing upwards of $499,000. Yet the biological clock keeps ticking in these working mother's bodies; that and the immediate and extended families keep asking " When are you going to have children?" 

CHILDREN? YOU HAVEN'T THE TIME TO RAISE THEM PROPERLY, YOU FUCKING CUNT. However, unlike many of the Mexican-Americans here in Las Crucifixion, NM, US, you DO have the money to raise them correctly. SCHEDULED CHILDREN ON CONCERTA Concerta being one of the newest psych meds used for ADHD. That pathetic TV commercial showing the seemingly happy, upper-middle class parents with their now-perfect child. A child who, like his/her asshole fucking parents, can " do it all" and multitask, play TEAM sports, concentrate in school, and keep the goddamn teacher's happy. Nobody ever mentions that 1. the teenager/ child is probably bored shitless with school and what he/she is learning. 2. Like me when I was at Newtown High, the teenager simply cannot understand why, WHY, his parents feel that sports and other stupid shit is so important to his/her well-being. 

https://fbexternal-a.akamaihd.net/safe_image.php?d=AQDjp55FVTHbY98_&w=487&h=362&url=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn.patch.com%2Fusers%2F22817504%2Fstock%2Fraw%2F2014115474f96632126.png 

This is a recent scene from Newtown Patch during and/or after a snowstorm. Looks like Castle Hill Rd. or Castle Meadow, Head O' Meadow Rds. in Newtown, CT. Yes, Newtown is a pretty place, still very much a small town despite the fact that it no longer retains those smaller town values, especially when we're referring to that laid back, small town way of life. Like many places in America and Canada where there are GOOD JOBS available for COLLEGE EDUCATED PEOPLE, places within a 10 to 50 mile commute of major business cities/suburban office parks, the cost of living has gone sky high and yes, life has become hectic. Las Cruces, New Mexico, I hate to say, is NOT one of these places; El Paso, TX is and Juarez, Chihuahua, Mexico is becoming one. Here in Cruces, " dogshit jobs" are the norm; McGarbage, Burger Slave, Scabmart, the latter [ Walmart] we have three of- all of them 24-hour supercenters. While Newtown, Connecticut is known for educated people living in nice houses, Las Crucifixion is essentially a dust bowl boomtown set among the Chihuahuan Desert. The median income being around $32,000 annually, for the most part, Las Crucifixion is a working class barrio with many Mexicans living among the stupidest goddamn white-bread redneck pieces of shite to be found anywhere outside Texas, Kansas, and the Bible-belt South. That and retirees who come for the sunshine in winter. Brad Paisley will be performing at New Mexico State University's Pan-Am Center; Las Crucifixion and El Paso are surrounded by US Military bases, White Sands Missile Range and Fort Bliss being among them. "Military" generally correlating with " ignorant  militant redneck asshole" and Republican-Christian church-attending stupidity, should Brad Paisley [ or any fucking Country-Western musician] selling out be of any surprise? Add in the retirees, many of whom are either retired military or regular church-goers, and you shall understand that.......STUPID IS AS STUPID VOTES. 

Back to Adam Lanza. Newtown High School's guidance dept. also sent me to that same childhood psychiatric clinic at Yale-New Haven Hospital's behavioral center. I had the special education guidance counselor assigned to Newtown High's students with handicaps and learning disabilities, Donna Fox. Seeing that, at the time I showed little interest in continuing on to higher education. College, after all, was a place where "preppies" and jockstraps went; along with some of the goody two shoes Christian townies active in the many student and town charities/ clubs. Despite being told that I was smart, and yes, a "gifted" child, like Lanza, I was an emotionally disturbed wreck filled with hatred toward many of my peers at NHS. Like Lanza, I was often bullied by the jockstraps and preps. 

And so, the clueless guidance counselor I had, Mrs. Fox as she was called back in the late 70s and early 80s, sent me to that fucking Yale clinic to see Dr. Warren Bower, MD. A childhood psychiatrist and clueless asshole [ report in my former blog, the Diary of Cheryl Lynne], all the stupid bitch could determine was this. That I was " grossly immature for my (chronological) age" and that I would " never be able to have successful relationships or friendships" because I was " too egocentric". In other words I acted NATURAL. Allowing my animal instincts to overrule all the superfluous ( ?) bullshit I was taught by my well-meaning parents, and yes, that goddamn piece of shit Cath-o-holic Church.